Max’s Laws Revisited!

1. This restaurant is run for the enjoyment and pleasure of our customers, not the convenience of the staff or owners.
2. You get gree round of drinks if anyone on our staff comes up and says, “Is everything all right?” When we aske questions, they’ll be helpful ones.
3. You must get your mustard and ketchup before your burger, sandwich or fires.
4. We hate soggy fries. If yours aren’t crisp, they way you like them—-send them back—-maybe the kitchen will get the message.
5. Corned beef and pastrami are good because they contain some fat. If you want something lean, how about our turkey?
6. Our turkey is always fresh. Period.
7. Our iced tea is table brewed. Just pour it over a big glass of ice.
8. Soft drinks come in bottles or cans. No bar guns here.
9. San Francisco bakers don’t bake on Wednesday and Sunday. Our breads are fresh all other days. The pastry we make is fresh every day.
10. Our ice cream sauces are a point of pride. They’re made in New York by a certified chocoholic who refuses therapy. They are simply the best in the country. And we don’t boast idly.
11. We use only Kozlowski’s jams—-what else!
12. We bring pastrami and ice cream sauces from New York City, mustards from Oregon, hot sauce from Jersey. Eat here. Save the airfare.
13. This is a bad place for a diet and a good place for a diet.
14. Our desserts are excessive because nothing succeeds like excess. We encourage sharing if you’re not super hungry.
15. Substitutions are okay by us, don’t be bashful, you’ve got a mouth, use it.
16. We cook hamburgers 2 ways: medium rare or well done; anything else is at your own risk!
17. Please do not take the menus, they will cost you $10 cash (we’ve got miniatures for free).
18. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone using the word, “nouvelle.”
19. We use cholesterol free oil for frying and sauteing. Eat your heart out, Mr. Surgeon General.
20. Our to-go containers are Serco-Foam products and contain no CFCs, they they will not harm the environment.